Is Love Enough??

Is Love Enough??

 

“Uhhh, so what?!? Love is not enough!”

The words slammed into me like a baseball bat. Shocked and shaken to my core, I quietly sat; not daring to say another word. I could feel the words still floating around the room – watching me, waiting for me to say something else so it could remind me again. A voice, deep inside spurred me – poking me, “Come on man! Fight back! Do it for love…do it for you!!” But I remained silent.

I’ve always found it odd how there are times I can’t recall what I did in a single day, yet, I can remember back to a single moment in my past; a moment like this, and recall it in such vivid detail. Maybe it’s because of the impact it had on me, or that I still carry around the invisible scar these words left behind. Or, maybe I’m making too much of it, and it’s just how our brains work. But I will always remember this day – this conversation, for the rest of my life. Read more

Advertisements

I Felt Abandoned; When I Needed You Most

I needed you, and you weren’t there for me. I need you…YOU!! I felt all alone. I felt abandoned; when I needed you most.
Have you ever felt this kind of alone before? Alone because, no matter if it’s true or not, you feel those closest to you have abandoned you; left you in your darkest hour. Left you reaching out into the darkness of depression and anxiety; only to find no comfort, no matter how hard you reach. No one to hold you; no one to comfort you. No one to reassure you and tell you things will be ok; that the claims depression make against you are lies. No one to tell you, you are loved…or that you’re even worthy of that love?
I know this feeling all too well…and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Have you ever…been the person that abandoned someone in need? Refusing to set yourself aside; if for nothing else than because you’re their person? Or the fact that YOU are the one person in this world that can actually make a difference; that can actually help in this situation, but instead, you’re too focused on you.
I know how that feels too…and I will have to live with that; hearing the words that started this post, in my head, for the rest of my life. Read more

Lost in Familiarity with #TheNewKia

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves” ~ Henry David Thoreau
A friend once told me, “The problem with self discovery, is all the self you discover.” At the time, I can remember internally scoffing at, what I perceived as a lame attempt to sound deep; sort of chuckling a little and answering with my go-to “throw away comment” of, “Yeah, I hear ya.”
I turns out, I did not hear her at all, because I’m literally living that saying, right now. Or, maybe it’s the complete opposite. Maybe I’m not discovering much self at all, because I feel lost.
Read more

Cleaning the House Just Became Mission Dadpossible With #AquavertClean

Look, I understand that we all love our kids. But let’s get real for a second here…can we?
Kids ruin everything!

From the moment the arrive, it’s like they’re on a mission to destroy. First, they destroy your sleep patterns, with all the crying and whining, and wanting to eat and stuff…ugh!! Then, they become mobile and ruin any sense of relaxation you may think you still had, because NOW you have to *literally* watch them every second of the day, or they just might crawl off and put something in their mouth, that they shouldn’t, sending you into a full-blown panic, causing you to shove their head under a sink, essentially waterboarding your child…or so I’ve heard.

But it’s when they get past that stage, and reach the next one, that they really become the destructive beasts we all know them to be. That’s right, toddlerhood to pre-teen is when kids are at their worst. Why, you might be wondering? Because kids are dirty, germ-carrying, factories of yuck, and they walk around your house touching everything, and rubbing their nose all over stuff, completely missing the toilet , even while sitting on it (how is that even possible?!?). It’s enough to make any parent throw their hands up in their air, and just give up. Read more

This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things Ep 2: Sexual Assault and The Story I Never Wanted to Tell

The incidents surrounding Harvey Weinstein are sad and disgusting. My heart breaks for the women who are speaking out, and even more for the many I know are still not. Sexual assault and intimidation, sadly, are nothing new to women; within Hollywood and all the way to the suburbs.
But what has come out, as almost a sub topic, is the fact that this is happening to men as well. While speaking about the women coming forward about Weinstein, actor Terry Crews (Brooklyn 99) and James Van Der Beek (Dawson’s Creek and Varsity Blues) both came forward and revealed while the abusive treatment of women is disgusting and rampant, the abuse was not only directed towards female actors. Both actors revealed they too had been groped by older men with influence and power in the entertainment field. Read more

This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Sexism and the Yeah But

I’m sure you’ve all seen the story from last week about Carolina Panthers QB Cam Newton. You know, the one where a reporter asked him a question about one of his receivers becoming more and more comfortable with his route running…the one where Cam then proceeded to snicker and make mock that reporter?
Did I mention the reporter is a woman, and he basically implied he finds it cute when women pretend to know about football? Well, he did. Read more

You’re Not the Child I Hoped For…

I sit in the dark of your room and watch you sleep; it’s late. I settle into the recliner in the far corner of the room. The corner softly illuminated by your nightlight; like many other items in your room, a new addition due to a recent meltdown that no one saw coming. A meltdown that exhausted your mother and I. A meltdown that scared us again; scared us into wondering…always wondering.
I watch you sleep. Thinking about the meltdown from this very evening…no, yesterday evening. I’ve been sitting here for a while; we’ve crossed over to the next day. It’s late. I watch the rise and fall of your chest as you slumber; I wonder what you’re dreaming about. Your breathing is rhythmic, slow, steady, but also very similar to the heavy sobs and gasps for breath from earlier…during the meltdown. 

I watch you sleep…and I start to cry. I cry because I hate myself for what I’m thinking; what I’ve thought many times since you were born. I hate myself because tonight was the first time I realized you felt my thoughts too. I hate myself because I think, you’re not the child I hoped for…you’re not the child I wanted
Read more

Perfectly Connected

Perfectly Connected

“We look so young…what happened?”

I asked this question over and over as we lie in bed last night flipping the pages of our wedding album. We were up far too late; our “bed time” a distant memory at that point. We had spent the evening cleaning and organizing, not just because it needed to be done, but because the cleaning company was coming the next day, to do the very thing we were doing that evening, and we just couldn’t let them see our house in this condition. We can’t have the cleaning company thinking we were dirty AND lazy. Cleaning up for a cleaning crew – our lives, our marriage, our parenting, is nothing if not ironic.

Read more

#ThanksBaby For Saving Me

It’s said that the world is full of second chances, however; it’s also said you never get a second chance to make a first impression. These two sayings pretty much sum up how I feel I have fared over the last five years and two kids worth of parenting.
When my daughter was born last year, she was my second chance. She was a breath of fresh air. She was, and has continued to be, everything I dreamed it would be when my son was born five years ago…and then subsequently wasn’t. She is amazing. She showed me I was, in fact, capable of doing everything I felt like I failed at the first time around; that I am good parent. And yes, this may sound melodramatic, but I feel like she saved me in a way. Read more

Parenting: The Great Balancing Act

The saying, “There just aren’t enough hours in the day” is never more true that when you get married, and even more so if you decide to have kids.
Of all thing lessons we’re left to learn on our own through trial and error, there is one I wished someone would have prepared me for…just a little. The lesson that from the time you get married and have kids, life is going to be a complete balancing act, and you’re not going to be able to do it all…and that’s ok. Read more