Friday is upon us once again. And after a long grueling week of work, dealing with whiny coworkers and jerk drivers; a long weekend with our equally whiny/jerk kids. So for all the parents out there hating life at their desks, and dreading going home, here is some funnies to get you through the day. You’re welcome!
“Daddy, why are you sad?”
The question was innocent; without judgment. The answer however, was heavy; weighed down by years of self-judgment.
I’ve talked about my long battle with depression on many occasions. It’s something that has caused me a great deal of grief over my lifetime, almost bringing everything to a close at one point. But through all the trials; all the ups and downs, I’ve always been able to dig myself out of my hole. I’ve always been able to ride the waves, and right the ship. But something feels different this time; scarier.
I’d like to paint you a picture. Imagine a kid walks into a room. And let’s say this room is a meeting place for some kind of activity they’re a part of (i.e. a club, debate team, sports team etc). And let’s say the kid is frustrated, and just over it, and wants to be done with said group, so they decide to quit. Ok, no problem…but what if they took it one step further?
Imagine that same kid, so frustrated (for whatever reason) that they not only quit, but as he/she is walking out the door, they turn around to tell everyone still involved, “HEY!! I’m outta here! And you all FUCKING SUCK and should quit too because you’re wasting your time!” I’m pretty confident in saying that as parents, we would be mortified. The parents of the kids still involved would be upset, and I’m pretty sure the parents of the kid leaving wouldn’t be happy either, stressing that’s not how they raised them to act.
I don’t where you live, or where you might be receiving this addition of more funny stuff, but where I live (DC), it has been cold, rainy, and cloudy for the last 20 days. It’s like The weather got confused and thought Washington DC, was Washington state.
Well, if the sun isn’t going to help make everyone’s lives a little better, I guess I wil…with and new addition of the funniest stuff I saw on the internet this week. Enjoy!!!
It’s no secret that when you have kids, parents can pretty much kiss the idea of sleep goodbye. There’s always a chance you might be one of the lucky ones to have a kid that’s a good sleeper right off the bat, but you’re more likely to find a unicorn or four leaf clover. And if you do have one of those kids, keep it to yourself, because the rest of us are too tired to hear about it.
My son was a horrible sleeper for the first 8 months of his life. So much so I’m surprised he actually made it past those 8 months, and that he still has two (fairly) intact parents to care for him. My son eventually adjusted, but his parents never did. Yes we get more sleep than we were getting, but are in a perpetual state of tired.
Well, we’ve made it through another grueling week of work, bills, life, and worst of all, kids. So, if you’re anything like me, 1) I’m sorry, but more importantly, 2) you need a good laugh right now…and probably a drink or 5, but mostly a laugh.
So here are the the things that made me laugh this week…between bouts of sobbing because because, parenting:
The internet can be horrible. Especially right now as election season ramps up, but it can also be a silly-ass place. I prefer to find the funny shit people are doing/saying, and share that with the rest of you. We have enough serious shit to worry about. So, here’s what I found this week:
#1 – What can I say, my son might be missing a few screws ~ Papa Does Preach
#2 – Much like the sloth in the animal kingdom, we parents need to conserve energy where we can ~ Wait, what was I doing?
#3 – But moms always look so well rested after maternity leave ~ Science of Parenthood
#4 – My gym goals be like ~ AKA Dave
#5 – At least I tried ~ Mattzilla
#6 – I should introduce her to my wife. They could murder analogies together ~ Marlebean
#7 – EVERY time when my favorite part comes on the radio ~ Lurk @ Home Mom
#8 – Well, looks like we have to burn the house down now ~ Paige Kellerman, Author-Humorist
#9 – And this is how men die, and don’t even know why ~ Shakespeare’s Mom
#10 – My student loans thank you ~ Amy Dillon
#11 – Why yes, my kid like to live dangerously ~ Papa Does Preach
#12 – Kind of gives a whole definition to the term #StreamTeam. This kid has No chill ~ Home With Aneta
#13 – It’s not the size of the town, it’s the motion of…ok, that doesn’t apply here ~ SHUGGILIPO
#14 – Always mess with their minds ~ Foxy Wine Pocket
#15 – It’s times like this, they’re lucky they’re cute ~ Mommy Back Talk
Did you see something funny on the good ole interwebs that made you laugh? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to be considered for next week’s round up. And make sure to come join the craziness over on my Facebook page for more jokes and memes that you might not see here.
Mike is a parent, a writer, and life-long story teller. He always wanted to be an actor or stand-up comedian, but clearly didn’t make enough poor life decisions to get there. He now makes his jokes on the internet. He’s made The Today Show’s List of Funniest Parents on Facebook, and is a contributor at Huffington Post, Good Men Project, Scary Mommy and BLUNTMoms. Join him here each Friday where he share the things that made him laugh this each week. And make sure to follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for more of the funnies.
I’m not altogether sure I was cut out to be a parent.
Well, it’s too late now! And besides, you’re doing a great job.
That was part of a conversation the Wife and I had recently. I’m not breaking any news when I say that being a parent is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, with marriage being a close second.
Every-day-parenting is filled with it’s up and downs; highs and lows, and some days if definitely can feel like this little person who you’re trying so hard to raise and protect, and nurture, is doing everything possible to work against you. Yet, we parents continue on.
Sure, I give my kid a lot of shit on social media (and trust me, it’s well earned), and even here on the blog every once in a while, but for as much as I joke and talk about how much he annoys me, I have no issue pulling back the curtain and admitting that other than my wife, my son is the single most important person in my life, and I would do anything to protect him. That’s why something that happen earlier this week made me feel like I failed at that, and that I need to apologize.
Let me start this off by saying, I recognize kids are jerks. They’re jerks to their parents, and they’re certainly jerks to each other. In a weird way, that’s their job; to be assholes. That’s where we parents come in. When the jerk-behavior isn’t being directed at us (albeit the minority of the time), we’re supposed to be there to teach them how they should treat others, and communicate their feelings. But does that mean we have to stop them from not liking other people, or saying as much?
No, of course not, and as much as I love my kid, I know not everyone; certainly not ever other kid, is going to feel the same way about him that I do. And that’s what we faced earlier this week.
Ferris and I arrived at pre-school this past Tuesday, like any other day. Except this day was special for him; he was able to wear his brand new shoes that light up when he stomped his feet. I’m not going to go into how many times he stomped his feet that morning, because that would be a post in itself.
As we crossed the parking lot to school another one of Ferris’ classmates arrived, so of course he had to tell/show him his shoes. Along with the other boy was his mother, and older brother, who last year also attended the pre-school. As Ferris excitedly showed the boy his shoes the two boy gabbed only the way 4yos can about such trivial thing. I was lost in their adolescent excitement, but it didn’t last long.
As I was enjoying the moment I was abruptly pulled back to reality by hearing the older brother say to his mom, “That boy, Ferris is not a nice person. He’s mean to kids. I don’t like him.” I tried to brush it off, even when the boy repeated it to his mother. As I said, I get it, kids are kids. But the boy didn’t stop there, he continued the whole walk into school repeating some variation or another of his statement to his mother, with little to no effort on her part to try and discourage him from saying things like that.
I try very hard not to judge other parents. We have it hard enough, and no parent truly understands another parent’s struggle, because each kid is unique in how they act. Like tiny little snowflakes of terror. But I had had enough. As I expressed to my Wife when I told her what happened, even with the mean shit that kid was saying, I wasn’t mad at him. I was mad at the mom for showing no effort in stopping her son. Hell, for all I know, this isn’t the first time this conversation has happened, and maybe the mom agrees. But what I do know is that I was now pushed past my limit of acceptance of someone insulting my son.
I finally turned and looked at them both and said…nothing. I uttered not a word to either the older boy, or his mother; however, I fairly certain the look on my face probably said a thousand words, and she read every single one of them. I simply patted my son on the back, who was (thankfully) still lost in his excitement with the other boy, that he was oblivious to everything just said about him, and directed him to his classroom.
My son went about his day none the wiser to what happened that morning, and for that I am thankful. Me on the other hand? Well, I felt, and continue to feel like a huge failure. I vowed a long time ago I would never let anyone hurt my children the way I was hurt as child; not by physical or verbal abuse. I feel like I failed him that day. And before you say that it’s ok, because he didn’t hear what the other kid said; to me, that doesn’t matter, because I heard it, and I did nothing.
Then again, there is another side to all this. Maybe I did do something. Maybe I chose to break the cycle of anger that has plagued me from my youth. Maybe I chose to be the bigger person. Maybe I taught my son a valuable lesson in dealing with those who choose to insult you (even if he doesn’t know it). Maybe I did the right thing.