Change is hard. Especially when you don’t see a need to change, or when the action that needs to change is associated with having a good time; like drinking. By this point in all our lives, we all know someone, or you are that person, that has a little too much at a party and becomes the life of the party to some, or the annoying drunk to others. When we were young it was easy to laugh off these kinds of actions as someone just cutting loose. But now, as we’re older and supposedly more mature, these are the kind of action we identify with someone who needs help.
But what if there was another in that scenario who also needed help? A person who doesn’t get out of control or make a scene? A person who can keep it together and handle their alcohol, but unbeknownst to you, they using that alcohol to cope with life? How do we spot them? Well, just short of that person saying they need help, we can’t.
But that’s what my friend Harmony Hobbs did. Along with many others who know Harmony, I was shocked and blown away a little over 3 weeks ago when she posted for the world to know, that she was seeking help for alcohol. My first thought was, Are you kidding me? Harmony’s not an alcoholic! A typical though or response from someone who failed to see there was an issue. But then again, why would I? Harmony was never an out of control person the number of times I was around her.
Harmony and her good friend Audrey are the duo behind Hobbs and Hayworth. Wine has always been part of their shtick, as it is with a lot of mom bloggers. Hell, even us dads joke around about needing alcohol to cope with the daily grind of raising kids and just having to adult. Never once did I think there was a problem. But I took her at her word, because she deserves that.
I’m proud of Harmony. In my opinion, it takes an immense amount of courage to make a change like this. It also take an incredible support system. In fact it was that support system, in the form of her friend Audrey who sat her down and talked with her about her drinking, and convinced her to look into getting help.
I recently spoke with Harmony, to let her know I was proud of her and to offer and support I could lend, as I have my own dark history with alcohol, that maybe one day I will share with you. Harmony told me that she feels better, and is truly thankful Audrey said what she did and opened her eyes.
In her recent post on her blog (Modern Mommy Madness), Harmony admits to have a bottle of wine a day habit up until her journey of sobriety started. She also details how hard the last 25 days have been…even to just get motivated to put on pants and function. She speaks on massive mood swings from over the moon elation, to extreme anger, sprinkled with a dose of depression and anxiety.
Reading her words today, and talking with her via chat, I felt that much worse for making such a ignorant snap judgement on her state of well being. But what’s worse is, I’m not the only one who’s had these snap judgments; some have even said she’s just doing this for attention. That breaks my heart for her.
I truly admire Harmony. I admire her for listening to a friend when they came to her with love and concern. I admire Harmony for publicly talking about this very private and sensitive topic, even though she doesn’t owe it to anyone to do so. She told me she wanted to talk about it because she has spent so much of her time on her writing and online persona wrapped around being silly with alcohol, that she didn’t want to look hypocritical for not talking about the problem that has come from it.
Most of all, I admire Harmony for her strength and vulnerability. Strength to see herself, in her truth, and know she needed to change. Strength to acknowledge the issue at hand and not ignore it, but instead stand up and fight. And her vulnerability to be 100% open to the change.
I admire Harmony for loving herself enough to WANT to change.
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