One of the major pitfalls of getting married and having kids is the increased chances of losing ourselves; our individuality; what makes us unique. The struggle to reclaim that identity, or even the scary realization that you may have not had one to begin with, can be enough to drive a wedge in a marriage, or keep someone in a relationship when they are unhappy. But what if that relationship ends, and you now find yourself with no idea where to go next.
In the past, and maybe even now to a degree, it feels as if women are facing this more than men. While the number of stay at home dad is on the rise, as is traditional households where the woman is the primary source of income, it still seems like society looks at women as losing their identity within the family construct. Even if the woman is the primary bread winner, much of society will refer to Jane as Joe’s wife, instead of referring to them as equals. This kind of societal patriarchy can cause huge identity issues when a long-term relationships ends.
My friend Daniella English found herself in this very situation just a short year and a half ago. Daniella is the creator and blogger over at The Not So Single Life. Like many women, Daniella found herself in an emotionally-strained relationship; a relationship that had been this way for a long time. Long enough that you turn around and realize you have 4 children with this other person, and you have no idea who you are anymore. And that’s when she decided to change all that.
2016 was an interesting year for me. For some reason I got a bunch of messages/emails from people looking to start a blog, and want my advice. MY ADVICE!!! Like I know what I’m doing or anything. Daniella happened to be one of those people. We talked back and forth and got to know one another. I went to her page and read some of her post, and absolutely loved her writing. I gave her a few tips and pointers, introduced her to a couple of people and groups (all via social media that is), and told her I thought her writing was great and her unique perspective will really ring true with readers. You know, because divorce is just as popular than marriage.
Daniella told me she was having a rough time getting people to view her content, but I knew it was only a matter of time, because I know good writing when I see it, and eventually people will come. Blogging is like living Field of Dreams every time you hit “post”. She also filled me in on her life situation, leaving her husband, raising 4 kids, going back to school, and on top of all that, starting this whole blogging thing. I just don’t where she finds the time.
She started mixing up her content and making videos for her site as well, and they instantly became a hit. One of her funniest is a video about the annoying things people say to divorced people:
In a short 18 months, Daniella has kicked some major blogging butt! She’s been featured on several online outlets like Pink and Blue Magazine and The Glass House. She was also featured in a segment on the radio program, What She Said, a Canadian radio program.
I admire Daniella because she’s a kick ass writer, a great mom, and a good person. But most of all I admire her because she didn’t let divorce define her. She refused to be seen as some poor divorced person just as much as she refused to stay in a loveless relationship and be unhappy. She’s showing her kids that life continues to move forward, and you gotta move with it. I’m not surprised at Daniella’s amazing writing, as it comes from a place of truth and love. I’m glad I met and have gotten to know Daniella, and that I can add one more name to the ever-growing list of people in Canada I need to visit. At this rate the list is so long, I may never return.
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