The words slammed into me like a baseball bat. Shocked and shaken to my core, I quietly sat; not daring to say another word. I could feel the words still floating around the room – watching me, waiting for me to say something else so it could remind me again. A voice, deep inside spurred me – poking me, “Come on man! Fight back! Do it for love…do it for you!!” But I remained silent.
I’ve always found it odd how there are times I can’t recall what I did in a single day, yet, I can remember back to a single moment in my past; a moment like this, and recall it in such vivid detail. Maybe it’s because of the impact it had on me, or that I still carry around the invisible scar these words left behind. Or, maybe I’m making too much of it, and it’s just how our brains work. But I will always remember this day – this conversation, for the rest of my life.
As many of you already know by now, I recently went on a bit of an extended trip; hoping to the West coast, and even leaving the country for a bit. The first 3 days of that trip, I hung out in beautiful, Pasadena, CA, where I attended the 2018 Mom 2.0 conference. Why would a dad be hanging out at a mom conference? First off, stop being so judgmental. Second, I was honored to be nominated for a 2018 Iris Award, for Best Dad Blogger of the Year (about damn time, lol)
The Iris Award is like the parent-blogging version of the Oscars. Ever since I started this blogging journey, I’ve wanted to win one. But, alas, the beautiful statue remains beyond my grasp…I did not win. As cliché as it sounds though, it *really* was an honor to be nominated.
While Mom 2.0 (most likely) won’t be a yearly event for me, I had an amazing time, even with not winning. I got to hang out with friends I haven’t seen in a couple years; make new friends and writing contacts, and I got to get all dressed up for an evening…something I really enjoy doing, but rarely get to do.
My roommate for those 3 days in Pasadena, Jeff Bogle from Out With The Kids (also nominated for Best Dad Blog of the Year) asked if I had written a speech, for when I won. I laughed it off, and said, “No. Besides, I doubt I’ll win. You’re gonna take it home; everyone knows it.” He didn’t win either. But, I kind of had written one…at least in my head.
The best week of the year us upon us once again – Star Wars week, and today is the best day of that week. Why?!? Because it’s May 4th….get it? May the 4th be with you?!? Duh!
With the release of the new Solo stand-alone film just a short three weeks away, the excitement is building. And in honor of the beginning of the story of our favorite space smuggler, and his faithful Wookie friend, General Mills Cereal is launching their #RoarForChange campaign.
I needed you, and you weren’t there for me. I need you…YOU!! I felt all alone. I felt abandoned; when I needed you most.
Have you ever felt this kind of alone before? Alone because, no matter if it’s true or not, you feel those closest to you have abandoned you; left you in your darkest hour. Left you reaching out into the darkness of depression and anxiety; only to find no comfort, no matter how hard you reach. No one to hold you; no one to comfort you. No one to reassure you and tell you things will be ok; that the claims depression make against you are lies. No one to tell you, you are loved…or that you’re even worthy of that love?
I know this feeling all too well…and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Have you ever…been the person that abandoned someone in need? Refusing to set yourself aside; if for nothing else than because you’re their person? Or the fact that YOU are the one person in this world that can actually make a difference; that can actually help in this situation, but instead, you’re too focused on you.
I know how that feels too…and I will have to live with that; hearing the words that started this post, in my head, for the rest of my life. Six years ago, shortly after my son was born, my wife started showing signs of postpartum depression. I recognized them right away, as depression and I go way back.