We’ve become quite the pair over the years; you and I. It almost feels like I’ve spent more time with you than anyone else in my life. I’ve visited you again and again. Even when I didn’t want to, I did it; kicking and screaming a lot of that time.
I have to be honest – I don’t like you. No…that’s probably a bit too harsh, but I’m sure that’s the vibe I give off. I feel, saying I don’t enjoy our visits, is probably more appropriate. Because why should I?
Visiting you, typically means a good deal hurt and struggle are in store for me. Or, I have to spend time with those two annoying figures that always seem to be with you when I arrive. You know the two I speak of; Fear and Doubt. Why are they always there…are they your roommates or something?
Nevermind; it’s not important.
But, here I am; planning for another visit with you. Our last visit was exactly this time last year. I really thought it would be our last, but…I was wrong, as usual.
As I pack for our visit, I had a thought; do you enjoy spending time with me? I mean, why would you? I’m a 41yo perpetual screw up, who can’t get his life in order. I mean, every time I visit, I’m less than cordial. I complain the entire time; and when I leave, you know I’ll be back again. Aren’t you sick of seeing me? Why haven’t you joined the long list of people who write me off; who never seem to show up when I need them?
Even more…I realize, Fear and Doubt aren’t your roommates; they’ve always been my road companions. They’re always there with us, because I bring them with me.
It isn’t me who should dread seeing you again; it’s you who probably dreads seeing me. Because that means I’ve wasted another opportunity, or driven someone else away. Lost an opportunity to succeed; to thrive…to simply enjoy the journey.
Well, that changes today. It’s good to see you old friend, but, I won’t be staying long. I’ve got a pretty long journey ahead of me, and I don’t plan on returning. Yes, I find myself on my own again, but I’m ok with that. I believe in me.
As for my two regular companions; I apologize, but I’m gonna sneak out when they’re not looking. Because, where I’m going; they’re not needed, nor are they invited.
Thank you for always providing me a space; a starting point, and place I can look back (fondly), and say, “That’s where FORWARD started.
Oh, and thanks for putting up with me all these years. I hope I never see you again…and something tells me, you hope the same.