I sit in the dark of your room and watch you sleep; it’s late. I settle into the recliner in the far corner of the room. The corner softly illuminated by your nightlight; like many other items in your room, a new addition due to a recent meltdown that no one saw coming. A meltdown that exhausted your mother and I. A meltdown that scared us again; scared us into wondering…always wondering.
I watch you sleep. Thinking about the meltdown from this very evening…no, yesterday evening. I’ve been sitting here for a while; we’ve crossed over to the next day. It’s late. I watch the rise and fall of your chest as you slumber; I wonder what you’re dreaming about. Your breathing is rhythmic, slow, steady, but also very similar to the heavy sobs and gasps for breath from earlier…during the meltdown.
I watch you sleep…and I start to cry. I cry because I hate myself for what I’m thinking; what I’ve thought many times since you were born. I hate myself because tonight was the first time I realized you felt my thoughts too. I hate myself because I think, you’re not the child I hoped for…you’re not the child I wanted…
It’s said that the world is full of second chances, however; it’s also said you never get a second chance to make a first impression. These two sayings pretty much sum up how I feel I have fared over the last five years and two kids worth of parenting.
When my daughter was born last year, she was my second chance. She was a breath of fresh air. She was, and has continued to be, everything I dreamed it would be when my son was born five years ago…and then subsequently wasn’t. She is amazing. She showed me I was, in fact, capable of doing everything I felt like I failed at the first time around; that I am good parent. And yes, this may sound melodramatic, but I feel like she saved me in a way. Continue reading →
The saying, “There just aren’t enough hours in the day” is never more true that when you get married, and even more so if you decide to have kids.
Of all thing lessons we’re left to learn on our own through trial and error, there is one I wished someone would have prepared me for…just a little. The lesson that from the time you get married and have kids, life is going to be a complete balancing act, and you’re not going to be able to do it all…and that’s ok. Continue reading →
I try my hardest to not fit into any kind of stereotype when steering through life. But, when it comes to kids, parenting, and coffee needed first thing in the morning, you might as well make me the poster child for this stereotype, because I’m all about it.
Prior to having kids I never drank coffee, except maybe a handful of times. I still wasn’t much of a morning person, but I didn’t need the extra assistance; I could just wake up gradually throughout the day. And weekends – forget about it. I wasn’t up before the crack of noon anyway. In fact, I actually found coffee quite gross. I know, I know, it hurts me to admit that as well.Continue reading →
So, I had a joke all set to go for this morning, but, as life does sometimes; a curveball was thrown my way and I no longer feel compelled to tell a joke. Instead, I want talk about something I witnessed this morning – a thing I have witnessed many mornings over the years our son has been at his preschool.
This morning I was solo parenting again as the Wife is with another client awaiting the arrival of their baby. No matter how many times I do this multiple kid dance, I will never get it all down pat, and my respect for single parents and stay-at-home parents grows every time I attempt it. Continue reading →
Could you imagine telling your father, or me, telling my father, “I’m struggling. I have postpartum depression.” They would be like, “Suck it up buttercup!” ~ Kirk and Callahan Show (5/22/17, WEEI Boston)
These were just some of the ridiculously moronic words spewed on the May 22, 2017 Kirk and Callahan morning show on WEEI (Boston). I could probably write an entire novel on the absurd, not to mention machismo fueled ignorant behavior the Kirk and Callahan show has been known for over the years. Instead, I’ll sum it up with a quote from ESPN host Paul Finebaum when he said that Kirk and Callahan, “were toxic pieces of waste, who have never accomplished anything in their life.”
Where was I? Ahhh, yes…
Today is the last day of May 2017. The last day of Mental Health Awareness Month. So, I feel it’s only fitting that we talk about the last thing it feels like anyone wants to talk about when it comes to mental health – men. Continue reading →
I’m not much of a handyman around the house. In fact, if the job requires anything above screwing in a light bulb, I’m probably going to mess it u p – at least once if not several times. Let me put it this way, with the amount of holes I’ve put in walls over the years, I should have bought stock in wall spackle; I’d be rich!
Projects around the house tend to be quite difficult for me, mainly because I have a complete lack of knowledge when it comes to anything like carpentry, plumbing or electrical. While calling a handyman whenever I need work done around my home is an easy fix, I’ve recently discovered an interest in sharpening my skills in these areas, so maybe I can avoid a handyman call or two in the future. Continue reading →
Kids are gross. There, I said it. For every moment someone wants to share some super-cute or adorable picture of their kid on social media, I think they should be forced to share at least 10 pictures of their kids when they’re not-so-cute.
You know, like when they have snot running down their face, or they’re sneezing without covering their mouth – which all parents know, somehow the spit from said sneeze ALWAYS lands on you…mainly in the facial region. Continue reading →