Cleaning the House Just Became Mission Dadpossible With #AquavertClean

Look, I understand that we all love our kids. But let’s get real for a second here…can we?

Kids ruin everything!

From the moment the arrive, it’s like they’re on a mission to destroy. First, they destroy your sleep patterns, with all the crying and whining, and wanting to eat and stuff…ugh!! Then, they become mobile and ruin any sense of relaxation you may think you still had, because NOW you have to *literally* watch them every second of the day, or they just might crawl off and put something in their mouth, that they shouldn’t, sending you into a full-blown panic, causing you to shove their head under a sink, essentially waterboarding your child…or so I’ve heard.

But it’s when they get past that stage, and reach the next one, that they really become the destructive beasts we all know them to be. That’s right, toddlerhood to pre-teen is when kids are at their worst. Why, you might be wondering? Because kids are dirty, germ-carrying, factories of yuck, and they walk around your house touching everything, and rubbing their nose all over stuff, completely missing the toilet , even while sitting on it (how is that even possible?!?). It’s enough to make any parent throw their hands up in their air, and just give up. Continue reading

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This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: Sexism and the Yeah But

I’m sure you’ve all seen the story from last week about Carolina Panthers QB Cam Newton. You know, the one where a reporter asked him a question about one of his receivers becoming more and more comfortable with his route running…the one where Cam then proceeded to snicker and make mock that reporter?

Did I mention the reporter is a woman, and he basically implied he finds it cute when women pretend to know about football? Well, he did. Continue reading

You’re Not the Child I Hoped For…

I sit in the dark of your room and watch you sleep; it’s late. I settle into the recliner in the far corner of the room. The corner softly illuminated by your nightlight; like many other items in your room, a new addition due to a recent meltdown that no one saw coming. A meltdown that exhausted your mother and I. A meltdown that scared us again; scared us into wondering…always wondering.

I watch you sleep. Thinking about the meltdown from this very evening…no, yesterday evening. I’ve been sitting here for a while; we’ve crossed over to the next day. It’s late. I watch the rise and fall of your chest as you slumber; I wonder what you’re dreaming about. Your breathing is rhythmic, slow, steady, but also very similar to the heavy sobs and gasps for breath from earlier…during the meltdown. 

I watch you sleep…and I start to cry. I cry because I hate myself for what I’m thinking; what I’ve thought many times since you were born. I hate myself because tonight was the first time I realized you felt my thoughts too. I hate myself because I think, you’re not the child I hoped for…you’re not the child I wanted

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#ThanksBaby For Saving Me

It’s said that the world is full of second chances, however; it’s also said you never get a second chance to make a first impression. These two sayings pretty much sum up how I feel I have fared over the last five years and two kids worth of parenting.

When my daughter was born last year, she was my second chance. She was a breath of fresh air. She was, and has continued to be, everything I dreamed it would be when my son was born five years ago…and then subsequently wasn’t. She is amazing. She showed me I was, in fact, capable of doing everything I felt like I failed at the first time around; that I am good parent. And yes, this may sound melodramatic, but I feel like she saved me in a way. Continue reading

Parenting: The Great Balancing Act

The saying, “There just aren’t enough hours in the day” is never more true that when you get married, and even more so if you decide to have kids.

Of all thing lessons we’re left to learn on our own through trial and error, there is one I wished someone would have prepared me for…just a little. The lesson that from the time you get married and have kids, life is going to be a complete balancing act, and you’re not going to be able to do it all…and that’s ok. Continue reading

More Coffee, Less Talkie: The Story of my Mornings

I try my hardest to not fit into any kind of stereotype when steering through life. But, when it comes to kids, parenting, and coffee needed first thing in the morning, you might as well make me the poster child for this stereotype, because I’m all about it.

Prior to having kids I never drank coffee, except maybe a handful of times. I still wasn’t much of a morning person, but I didn’t need the extra assistance; I could just wake up gradually throughout the day. And weekends – forget about it. I wasn’t up before the crack of noon anyway. In fact, I actually found coffee quite gross. I know, I know, it hurts me to admit that as well. Continue reading

In Defense Of The Kid That Bullies My Son

So, I had a joke all set to go for this morning, but, as life does sometimes; a curveball was thrown my way and I no longer feel compelled to tell a joke. Instead, I want talk about something I witnessed this morning – a thing I have witnessed many mornings over the years our son has been at his preschool.

This morning I was solo parenting again as the Wife is with another client awaiting the arrival of their baby. No matter how many times I do this multiple kid dance, I will never get it all down pat, and my respect for single parents and stay-at-home parents grows every time I attempt it. Continue reading

The Picnic Table Project With The #DIYZGuys

I’m not much of a handyman around the house. In fact, if the job requires anything above screwing in a light bulb, I’m probably going to mess it u p – at least once if not several times. Let me put it this way, with the amount of holes I’ve put in walls over the years, I should have bought stock in wall spackle; I’d be rich!

Projects around the house tend to be quite difficult for me, mainly because I have a complete lack of knowledge when it comes to anything like carpentry, plumbing or electrical. While calling a handyman whenever I need work done around my home is an easy fix, I’ve recently discovered an interest in sharpening my skills in these areas, so maybe I can avoid a handyman call or two in the future.
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