I sit in the dark of your room and watch you sleep; it’s late. I settle into the recliner in the far corner of the room. The corner softly illuminated by your nightlight; like many other items in your room, a new addition due to a recent meltdown that no one saw coming. A meltdown that exhausted your mother and I. A meltdown that scared us again; scared us into wondering…always wondering.
I watch you sleep. Thinking about the meltdown from this very evening…no, yesterday evening. I’ve been sitting here for a while; we’ve crossed over to the next day. It’s late. I watch the rise and fall of your chest as you slumber; I wonder what you’re dreaming about. Your breathing is rhythmic, slow, steady, but also very similar to the heavy sobs and gasps for breath from earlier…during the meltdown.
I watch you sleep…and I start to cry. I cry because I hate myself for what I’m thinking; what I’ve thought many times since you were born. I hate myself because tonight was the first time I realized you felt my thoughts too. I hate myself because I think, you’re not the child I hoped for…you’re not the child I wanted…
It’s said that the world is full of second chances, however; it’s also said you never get a second chance to make a first impression. These two sayings pretty much sum up how I feel I have fared over the last five years and two kids worth of parenting.
When my daughter was born last year, she was my second chance. She was a breath of fresh air. She was, and has continued to be, everything I dreamed it would be when my son was born five years ago…and then subsequently wasn’t. She is amazing. She showed me I was, in fact, capable of doing everything I felt like I failed at the first time around; that I am good parent. And yes, this may sound melodramatic, but I feel like she saved me in a way. Continue reading →
The saying, “There just aren’t enough hours in the day” is never more true that when you get married, and even more so if you decide to have kids.
Of all thing lessons we’re left to learn on our own through trial and error, there is one I wished someone would have prepared me for…just a little. The lesson that from the time you get married and have kids, life is going to be a complete balancing act, and you’re not going to be able to do it all…and that’s ok. Continue reading →
I try my hardest to not fit into any kind of stereotype when steering through life. But, when it comes to kids, parenting, and coffee needed first thing in the morning, you might as well make me the poster child for this stereotype, because I’m all about it.
Prior to having kids I never drank coffee, except maybe a handful of times. I still wasn’t much of a morning person, but I didn’t need the extra assistance; I could just wake up gradually throughout the day. And weekends – forget about it. I wasn’t up before the crack of noon anyway. In fact, I actually found coffee quite gross. I know, I know, it hurts me to admit that as well.Continue reading →
So, I had a joke all set to go for this morning, but, as life does sometimes; a curveball was thrown my way and I no longer feel compelled to tell a joke. Instead, I want talk about something I witnessed this morning – a thing I have witnessed many mornings over the years our son has been at his preschool.
This morning I was solo parenting again as the Wife is with another client awaiting the arrival of their baby. No matter how many times I do this multiple kid dance, I will never get it all down pat, and my respect for single parents and stay-at-home parents grows every time I attempt it. Continue reading →
Lately I’ve been trying to share some of my favorite musical influences with my son. I mean, there’s only so much of the annoying cartoon theme songs I can listen to. Cartoons these days are garbage.
The other day I picked up my son from pre-school. As we buckled up in the car and headed home, I popped on some music from the greatest decade of all – the 1980s. So you know what that means; power ballads, big voices, and most of all big hair!! Continue reading →
My generation will always believe we lived in the golden age of hip hop…because it’s true. We were babies when rap was still a baby. We spent our youth and teenage years growing, changing, rebelling, much like hip hop, as it morphed from precocious youth and street rhymes to rebellious gangster rap. Eventually, we set off into the “real world”; steeped in our ideas, believing we had the answers to all the world’s problems, all while being inspired by voices like A Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul and Public Enemy, teaching us to rebel in a new way – with knowledge.
But what about the next phase of our lives? What about when the men of my generation started to get married, and more importantly, became fathers. How do we teach our sons and daughters about the musical art we love so much, while shielding them from the rhymes filled negative connotations, misogynistic undertones, a lack of positive message. Where is our soundtrack for this point in our lives; our message of positivity, and uplifting fatherhood.
You know how parents love to tell their kids how they should love sleep more, and how much they’re going to miss it when they’re older? I have always been that person; from day 1, I have always loved sleep.
I was never a super active kid growing up, unless you count my imagination. That thing was on overdrive during my entire youth. I wasn’t the kid that was into sports, or running around all day long climbing trees and getting into mischief. I was pretty content just hanging out, and as I got older, more sedentary things, like video games became my go-to activities. What can I say, I love to be lazy.