The Speech I Would Have Given at Mom 2.0…Had I Won

As many of you already know by now, I recently went on a bit of an extended trip; hoping to the West coast, and even leaving the country for a bit. The first 3 days of that trip, I hung out in beautiful, Pasadena, CA, where I attended the 2018 Mom 2.0 conference. Why would a dad be hanging out at a mom conference? First off, stop being so judgmental. Second, I was honored to be nominated for a 2018 Iris Award, for Best Dad Blogger of the Year (about damn time, lol)
The Iris Award is like the parent-blogging version of the Oscars. Ever since I started this blogging journey, I’ve wanted to win one. But, alas, the beautiful statue remains beyond my grasp…I did not win. As cliché as it sounds though, it *really* was an honor to be nominated.
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Cleaning the House Just Became Mission Dadpossible With #AquavertClean

Look, I understand that we all love our kids. But let’s get real for a second here…can we?
Kids ruin everything!

From the moment the arrive, it’s like they’re on a mission to destroy. First, they destroy your sleep patterns, with all the crying and whining, and wanting to eat and stuff…ugh!! Then, they become mobile and ruin any sense of relaxation you may think you still had, because NOW you have to *literally* watch them every second of the day, or they just might crawl off and put something in their mouth, that they shouldn’t, sending you into a full-blown panic, causing you to shove their head under a sink, essentially waterboarding your child…or so I’ve heard.

But it’s when they get past that stage, and reach the next one, that they really become the destructive beasts we all know them to be. That’s right, toddlerhood to pre-teen is when kids are at their worst. Why, you might be wondering? Because kids are dirty, germ-carrying, factories of yuck, and they walk around your house touching everything, and rubbing their nose all over stuff, completely missing the toilet , even while sitting on it (how is that even possible?!?). It’s enough to make any parent throw their hands up in their air, and just give up. Read more

Women I Admire Day 23: Brooke Takhar, Conquering Fear With Laughter #WomensHistoryMonth

Fear is a natural part of life for most people. Sure, some people have more fears than others; fear of heights, fear of dogs, fear of clowns…because FUCK CLOWNS!! Hell, when you become a parent your fears grow 3 sizes, like they’re the Grinch’s heart or something. But while most of the these fears can be fixed or subsided by realizing that everything is going to be okay, there’s one kind of fear that can literally stop you in your tracks; stunt your growth in a number of areas (personally, professionally, emotionally) – the fear of failure.
As a creative person, I know this fear well; most, if not all creative people do. Being creative is mix wanting to be seen, but afraid of not being good enough. But, what if we didn’t do that? What if we weren’t afraid to put ourselves out there, or be afraid of being judged? What if we just took a leap, and trusted in ourselves?
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Women I Admire Day 13: Jen Mann, Throat Puncher #WomensHistoryMonth

Like many of you, my first experience with the hilarious Jen Mann was her brilliant post about the Elf on Shelf and the overachieving moms that come along with that damn thing. This now famous post of hers came out right as I was dipping my toes back into writing again, as well as anxiously awaiting the arrival of our son. I was automatically nerd-smitten with this lady.
After the arrival of Ferris I followed Jen even closer as she wrote at great length about douchey dads, annoying overachieving moms, her husband’s odd idiosyncrasies, and the ever growing list of people she wanted to punch in the throat. Seeing how I spend most days thinking the same thing about most people, Jen quickly became my writing idol, as I wish I had the stories and the comedic acumen to describe my distaste for mankind only the way she does.
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Women I Admire Day 9: Beth The Bourgeois Alien #WomensHistoryMonth

Melanie Trotsky from Beaverton, Oregon raised her son with wooden toys, no TV or video games, a vegan diet, and yet somehow her oldest son, Cole, still managed to become an enormous douche bag.
These were the first words I ever read from my friend Beth, and to say I was intrigued would be an understatement. I read on as she weaved this story of a douche bag hippie women, who raised her son in a douche bag elitist environment, only to be surprised he’s become a judgmental douche himself. Oh well, at least she has her Turkish worry beads to comfort her.
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Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

How many times have you found yourself thinking, “Man, if I could only go back and talk to my younger self.” If only I could tell them to make better choices.” We’ve all thought that. It comes with getting older.
Sure, if we could go back we’d warn our younger selves about the downfalls of not doing better in school, choosing different career paths, picking who we spend our time with better, and most certainly, taking better care of our bodies. I know I would. But what do you think your future self would say to you right now? What if the *right now* you needed the talking to? What would it sound like?
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The Funniest Stuff I Saw on the Internet This Week 6/10/16 – Papa Does Preach

Well, June is upon us. And while that means for many people their kids will be bugging them 24/7 with complaints of being bored 15 minutes after waking up at 10:30am, and how hot it is, for a bunch of your favorite online jokesters, it means it’s time for another BlogU.
The annual meeting of many of your favorite online personalities in the Washington DC area, where we gather to talk all thing blogging, party it up a little, and let’s be honest…get away from our kids for a weekend. Since I can’t fit you all in my suitcase, I leave you with this week’s edition of the Funniest Stuff I Saw on the Internet This Week. Enjoy
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The Funniest Stuff I Saw on the Internet This Week 6/3/16 – Papa Does Preach

Well, the rain has finally stopped, and it seems summer is finally upon us. And while a lot of parents would *like* to rejoice about the summer weather finally arriving, they can’t…because that also means summer vacation has started, and as anyone with kids knows; when kids are constantly around, it ain’t no vacation.
While I can’t fix your kids being around, I can at least provide you with some material perfect for staring at your phone and ignoring your annoying kids. Here’s this week’s addition of The Funniest Stuff I Saw on the Internet:
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The Funniest Stuff I Saw on the Internet This Week 5/20/16 – Papa Does Preach

I don’t where you live, or where you might be receiving this addition of more funny stuff, but where I live (DC), it has been cold, rainy, and cloudy for the last 20 days. It’s like The weather got confused and thought Washington DC, was Washington state.
Well, if the sun isn’t going to help make everyone’s lives a little better, I guess I wil…with and new addition of the funniest stuff I saw on the internet this week. Enjoy!!!
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The Funniest Stuff I Saw on the Internet This Week 5/13/16 – Papa Does Preach

Well, we’ve made it through another grueling week of work, bills, life, and worst of all, kids. So, if you’re anything like me, 1) I’m sorry, but more importantly, 2) you need a good laugh right now…and probably a drink or 5, but mostly a laugh.
So here are the the things that made me laugh this week…between bouts of sobbing because because, parenting:
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