The Holiday Heartburn

The Holiday Heartburn

The last 3 months of the year are always the same. With Halloween, Thanksgiving, and then Christmas (or whatever you celebrate, don’t shoot the messenger) at the end of each month, it’s no wonder every January is the month gyms see their memberships increase dramatically.

The fear of weight-gain isn’t so much an issue with me; I’m already chubby, so I got extra room. But, because of that extra weight, and probably because my stomach hates me after all these years of abuse; I find that the sweets that come with this time of year give me really bad heartburn. This year I found out it’s not just me who gets that heartburn; my son does too. I didn’t even know kid could get heartburn.

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There’s No Wiggle Room on Dosage

There’s No Wiggle Room on Dosage

I’m a blogging ambassador for the CHPA Educational Foundation’s KnowYourOTCs program but guess what: all opinions are mine!

No matter the amount of kids you have; the parent-life is a harried life. Yes, we parents come to social media, and we joke about our kids, make fun of certain things they do, look for the newest parenting meme to laugh at and share because, OMG….SO relatable!! 

One of the long-time running parents jokes is, knocking your kids out with common over the counter medicine. I’m sure you’ve seen it a million time…heck, you’ve probably even said a few times. Something like:

Parent 1 – Ugh, these kids will not go to sleep! How is 9pm and they still won’t lay down and go to bed?!?
Parent 2 – Hey, slip them some sleepy-time medicine in their juice. They’ll be out like a light.

I’m never one to criticize any type of joke someone throws out there about their kid. I mean, I’d be a massive hypocrite if I did – I’ve literally created my whole persona around the idea of making fun of my kids. But this joke…this is a joke I’ve always made a conscious decision to never take part in. Why this joke? What’s so wrong about joking about drugging your kids to fall asleep, as compared to all the other crazy stuff I’ve talked about?

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The Signs of Fall: Back to School, Foliage, Pumpkin Spice, and…GERMS!

The Signs of Fall: Back to School, Foliage, Pumpkin Spice, and…GERMS!

The signs of fall are slowly starting to make their presence known; even here in the Washington DC area. It might be hard to spot them, with the day-to-day change of weather we’re having this year – 85 degrees and muggy one day, and 65 degrees, windy and rainy the next…still muggy though. But, other than that, the signs are all around us…and I hate it!

Don’t get me wrong, I love the fall, but in true curmudgeon-fashion, still find something to complain about, and fall is no exception. So, what exactly is it I dislike about fall? How about almost everything!

But Mike, what about the leafs; the beautiful leafs changing color.
Great! The only feelings I get from watching the leafs change color is indifference and annoyance. Let me know how beautiful you think those leafs are when you’re pulling them out of your backed up gutters…then, clean mine out while you’re at it.

But Mike – Pumpkin Spice…EVERYTHING!
To that I will say…I hate you. And I hope you get trampled by a stampede of women in yoga pant and ugg boots.

Uuuhhh, ok. Well, at least your kids are back in school. Nothing to complain about there…right??
You must be new here, because….WRONG!

I can always find something to complain about. Luckily, when it comes to kids, you don’t have to look far – especially this time of year.

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Parenting is Literally Pest Control

Parenting is Literally Pest Control

I’m a blogging ambassador for the CHPA Educational Foundation’s KnowYourOTCs program but guess what: all opinions are mine!

It’s that time of year again…Summer

The short and dark days of ice, sleet and snow, are a distant memory. Replaced now, with warmer, longer days…or, if you live where I do; painfully long days, where the temperature is in the high 70s already at 6:00 in the morning. And while that doesn’t sound bad, the humidity is also at 9,000%, so the moment you step outside, you know what it feels like to have several large men, sitting on your chest.

This isn’t exactly the kind of weather you want to be in, or even have your kids outside in, but, you’ve been stuck with them inside for the past 6 months, listening to them complain about it being too cold, and they’re too bored, and there’s nothing to do, and can we watch more TV, and…OMG, JUST GO OUTSIDE!!!

But this brings up another problem with this time of year where I live. Even if, the weather cooperates, and you aren’t stuck inside, with your head shoved so close to your air conditioner that it drowns out all sense of life around you…because anything to not hear your kids complain about one more thing; and you actually get to enjoy some time out, possibly sitting by the pool, watching your children act like the feral mongrels they are…you have now become prime targets for the inevitable attack of, summer time pests. And no, I’m not talking about other kids.

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3 Ways to Determine Your Family is Feeling Overly Stressed

3 Ways to Determine Your Family is Feeling Overly Stressed

If there is one thing that is synonymous with parenting, it’s sleep…or, lack there of to be honest. And while many of us joke how we cope with the loss of sleep, or how much coffee chug just to avoid ending up in a orange jumpsuit – the loss of sleep, and how it effects the body and mind is a serious topic. That’s why I’m happy to have a guest author Sarah Cummings from to talk about this very issue.


Stress is an inevitable part of modern life. For short periods of time it can be perfectly normal, your body is designed to cope with it and it can even give you the kick up the behind you need to get things done.

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The Speech I Would Have Given at Mom 2.0…Had I Won

As many of you already know by now, I recently went on a bit of an extended trip; hoping to the West coast, and even leaving the country for a bit. The first 3 days of that trip, I hung out in beautiful, Pasadena, CA, where I attended the 2018 Mom 2.0 conference. Why would a dad be hanging out at a mom conference? First off, stop being so judgmental. Second, I was honored to be nominated for a 2018 Iris Award, for Best Dad Blogger of the Year (about damn time, lol)

The Iris Award is like the parent-blogging version of the Oscars. Ever since I started this blogging journey, I’ve wanted to win one. But, alas, the beautiful statue remains beyond my grasp…I did not win. As cliché as it sounds though, it *really* was an honor to be nominated.

While Mom 2.0 (most likely) won’t be a yearly event for me, I had an amazing time, even with not winning. I got to hang out with friends I haven’t seen in a couple years; make new friends and writing contacts, and I got to get all dressed up for an evening…something I really enjoy doing, but rarely get to do.

My roommate for those 3 days in Pasadena, Jeff Bogle from Out With The Kids (also nominated for Best Dad Blog of the Year) asked if I had written a speech, for when I won. I laughed it off, and said, “No. Besides, I doubt I’ll win. You’re gonna take it home; everyone knows it.” He didn’t win either.
But, I kind of had written one…at least in my head.

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I Felt Abandoned; When I Needed You Most

I needed you, and you weren’t there for me. I need you…YOU!! I felt all alone. I felt abandoned; when I needed you most.

Have you ever felt this kind of alone before? Alone because, no matter if it’s true or not, you feel those closest to you have abandoned you; left you in your darkest hour. Left you reaching out into the darkness of depression and anxiety; only to find no comfort, no matter how hard you reach. No one to hold you; no one to comfort you. No one to reassure you and tell you things will be ok; that the claims depression make against you are lies. No one to tell you, you are loved…or that you’re even worthy of that love?

I know this feeling all too well…and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Have you ever…been the person that abandoned someone in need? Refusing to set yourself aside; if for nothing else than because you’re their person? Or the fact that YOU are the one person in this world that can actually make a difference; that can actually help in this situation, but instead, you’re too focused on you.

I know how that feels too…and I will have to live with that; hearing the words that started this post, in my head, for the rest of my life.
Six years ago, shortly after my son was born, my wife started showing signs of postpartum depression. I recognized them right away, as depression and I go way back.

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Lost in Familiarity with #TheNewKia

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves” ~ Henry David Thoreau

A friend once told me, “The problem with self discovery, is all the self you discover.” At the time, I can remember internally scoffing at, what I perceived as a lame attempt to sound deep; sort of chuckling a little and answering with my go-to “throw away comment” of, “Yeah, I hear ya.”
I turns out, I did not hear her at all, because I’m literally living that saying, right now. Or, maybe it’s the complete opposite. Maybe I’m not discovering much self at all, because I feel lost.

For the past 18 months (give or take), I’ve been on a vision quest of sorts…well, a half-assed vision quest at best. No, I’m not looking to wrestle some kid for the state championship, or anything like that.
Shout out to all my 80’s kids who get that movie reference.

But trying to discover who I am. Where I fit in this world. Basically trying to figure if I’ve done anything noteworthy, or of much significance. Or, am I just another brick in the wall. Whoa…that got a little to deep there for a second.

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Cleaning the House Just Became Mission Dadpossible With #AquavertClean

Look, I understand that we all love our kids. But let’s get real for a second here…can we?
Kids ruin everything!

From the moment the arrive, it’s like they’re on a mission to destroy. First, they destroy your sleep patterns, with all the crying and whining, and wanting to eat and stuff…ugh!! Then, they become mobile and ruin any sense of relaxation you may think you still had, because NOW you have to *literally* watch them every second of the day, or they just might crawl off and put something in their mouth, that they shouldn’t, sending you into a full-blown panic, causing you to shove their head under a sink, essentially waterboarding your child…or so I’ve heard.

But it’s when they get past that stage, and reach the next one, that they really become the destructive beasts we all know them to be. That’s right, toddlerhood to pre-teen is when kids are at their worst. Why, you might be wondering? Because kids are dirty, germ-carrying, factories of yuck, and they walk around your house touching everything, and rubbing their nose all over stuff, completely missing the toilet , even while sitting on it (how is that even possible?!?). It’s enough to make any parent throw their hands up in their air, and just give up.

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This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things Ep 2: Sexual Assault and The Story I Never Wanted to Tell

The incidents surrounding Harvey Weinstein are sad and disgusting. My heart breaks for the women who are speaking out, and even more for the many I know are still not. Sexual assault and intimidation, sadly, are nothing new to women; within Hollywood and all the way to the suburbs.

But what has come out, as almost a sub topic, is the fact that this is happening to men as well. While speaking about the women coming forward about Weinstein, actor Terry Crews (Brooklyn 99) and James Van Der Beek (Dawson’s Creek and Varsity Blues) both came forward and revealed while the abusive treatment of women is disgusting and rampant, the abuse was not only directed towards female actors. Both actors revealed they too had been groped by older men with influence and power in the entertainment field.

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